The more time that passed, the more I struggled with the voice inside my head telling me it wasn’t going to happen. All my planning, wishing and praying was for nothing. More and more people had something to say about how to get pregnant, about not stressing and advice on just “ giving up for a while” and it will happen. This seemed crazy to me, give up?, besides being a wife this has been my dream for so long, how do people expect me to give up?
By the time the Christmas season rolled around I was feeling defeated. A total of seven couples had shared that they were expecting. I knew I had to come up with a way to stay positive or it would never work. I hated the way that I was comparing my life blessings with theirs. I always preached to others about trust in the lord and what he has planned for us but here I was being a big hypocrite.
The New Year was fast approaching and I decided to focus on strengthening my trust in God and really working on accepting his life’s plan for me and my family. I started a 40-day devotional journey through a book called “ Trust without Borders” by Arabah Joy. I started to feel better within the first couple of days; it really helped me to keep my focus on where I needed my heart to be. I benefited greatly from the gift this book gave back into my sprit. I went into this time with an open mind and heavy heart, I think a came out a better person in almost all aspects of my life.
Trying for a baby with a better headspace and a better understanding that our time is nothing to be compared to. The journey has been longer than expected; however I will remain grateful for my spiritual growth during this sometimes-difficult process. I remain hopeful for our future as parents.